I embarked on my new adventure of launching the "Divine Enchantment" pages of wisdom and inspiration with so much enthusiasm and gusto; I was excited about taking on one of the largest female forums as contributing writer, about getting my feet back in the water in the realm of writing, and re-launching my brand of witty insight....
I wanted these places to be a platform to share thought provoking and enlightening soul-full pieces to help people get through the changes we are all encountering in our lives. I wanted to inspire you, the reader, to have courage in the face of the ever changing tides of uncertainty.
Imagine my surprise when I was struck down by what some doctors are calling a close brush with death while others say it was 'just a heart-related-episode'. None-the-less, 'heart-attack' and 'death' was not on my agenda of things to write about, not at 37 anyway. But there is obviously a message that needs to be shared with you all in this experience and so I am here to speak about my experience with you in the only way I know how, candidly and with good-humor.
Retracing my roots (the shortest version) -
I was born into a strange life of 'knowing things', 'seeing things' and being able to 'do things' that contradicted my upbringing of normalcy. Growing up, I was often told that I was an 'old soul' and that 'still waters run deep' within me. It never made sense and I couldn't see what others saw but as a teenager, I hit a moment in time where I was exposed to a very rapid re-awakening of a much higher order spiritually. This awakening occurred due to meeting my twin soul (more on this story another time).
After that moment in my life, I desperately searched for answers. It took me years of reading through books, speaking with gurus, priests, preachers and even the occasional witch to find that what I was closely linked to was an old healing practice called shamanism. Now, shamanism isn't a religion. It's an ancient healing practice where one person (a shaman) enters alternate states of reality as well as dimensions and works with the spirit world to help heal people that are of this world, in this 3D dimension. Scientists are just barely beginning to understand the potency of this healing modality even though it has been around as long as humans have been on this planet. The twin soul ideology didn't enter my line of understanding or insight until more recently when I met a lovely set of twin souls that explained to me everything that I had experienced with my twin soul as a teenager. But I digress.....
In this line of healing as shaman, I can hear and speak (or translate energetic messages) with spirits of all kinds to receive direction for healing someone with an ailment. I can also shift a person's energetic field (also known as their aura) to induce healing. It comes to me in voices or as an image as to what it is that requires healing. I have also received messages from the deceased as well as from something much higher; this higher voice, the voice of God as I equate it, is the One Voice I pay the most attention to.
Now, I'm not going to keep going on about how this works for me, but I hope that this quick overview will give you an understanding that the spirit world is nothing new to me nor is the idea of death. I am accustomed to death as a concept and have had the honor of being visited by many of those whom I love that have passed over. Because of this (and the unexplainable feeling that I was somehow an infinite soul), I've never been afraid of death or dying.
Now flash forward -
In all honesty, the weeks prior to this 'event', I had a looming sense of 'death' in the air. For me in the past, this has been a warning sign that someone close to me was about to pass over to the other-side. As I usually do, I accepted this as fact and began to prepare myself emotionally and spiritually for the event to come but as the time came closer, the signs changed from being a warning of someone's passing to being directed at me. The day before my heart attack, I felt something very unusual. I felt life leaving my body while new life was beginning to grow within my womb. This could have been interpreted in so many ways but as this feeling grew along with a sense that it was time for me to make phone calls to tell certain people that I loved them, I knew that my time was approaching and it was my heart that was about to give-way. In all my superb stubbornness, I refused to make the final phone calls and began preparing for the knowledge that I had a 10% chance of making it through what was about to happen. I banked on my odds and decided to go for it.
Yes. Go for it. Let's see what's on the other side, shall we? Hey, I never said I was thinking rationally. I just decided there was no way I couldn't make it out alive because I was eternal; I'd either be living here or on the other side but I'd still be alive....and I could always reach out to those I love and let them know what life on the other side was like so they wouldn't feel so sad or alone.
Monday night/Tuesday morning is when death came and knocked on my heart. But this is where it got weird for me, you see. I sat at the kitchen table watching some old Twilight Zone episode on (oddly enough) those who had died but did not know, feeling nauseous and pondered where it was coming from. 20 minutes later, it was very clear to me why. As my heart suspended itself for that brief moment, while I felt everything draining from my body and I began to lose consciousness, that voice, that higher voice of God yelled out at me, "NO!" and instead of seeing and feeling this blissful white light opening towards me, all I could see was dark muffled earth reality buzzing away into an old television fuzz frame. And then it happened, the jolt of electricity that ran through my heart like nothing I could have ever imagined before and then BUMP-BOOM! Oh Lord did it hurt as my heart came racing back to life. All of this happened, in less than a blink of an eye.
I opened my eyes, pounded upon my chest and began to cough so that this large muscle could find its pace back to where it should be. Just like that, I was back...and a tad bit freaked out, yet oddly euphoric. I even joked with the EMT's as they took me to the hospital, telling them "I want a selfie to post on Facebook of this unusual event." I must have sounded high on far out or something.
Honestly though, I have never been afraid of death or dying, that is until 2am that Tuesday morning while I lay in the ER room, waiting for my heart to decide to either burst or return to normal. I was physically alone yet the room was heavy with anticipation from spirits that I could not communicate with. It was there that the permanence of crossing over began to sink in and I felt a sadness come over me. I have lived a good life, done the things I wanted to do, not all but most, and was ready to accept my fate however, there were people here that needed me to stay here and if I left now, there were things that would never happen that somehow must happen according to God's plan. I accepted this truth with gratitude and chose to remain; it just isn't my time. Then my heart and blood pressure came back into normal range and the weight of the room lifted as I whispered my promise to fulfill this new mission.
After the trip to the ER in an ambulance, a few conversations with God and a some odd hours later, I was released home to fend for myself while waiting to see a cardiologist. The waiting has been the hardest part, knowing that there is a blockage in my heart that could take me out whenever it so chooses, trusting that the Lord's voice is an assurance that I'm not meant to cross over anytime soon and hoping that whatever message, whatever work I am meant to do here, is not yet done.As the days pass (it has been a week now), I find myself feeling more invested in being here, which is a sign that I have moved from being ever so close to leaving to maybe staying around for some time and that my friends is where the fear comes in. Now that I am here and recovering, what if.......but that's a little self-defeating now isn't it.
And so my message to you is this: Death, honestly, is a funny guy but he's truthful and that can be painful. This life here, is not meant to be so serious, so harsh, so unrelenting, nor cold and callous. We are not meant to be here as corporate slaves either. Our purpose in this life is to live a life of purpose, shepherds of the Earth and kind keepers of our brothers and sisters. It truly is a gift to be alive here among our brothers and sisters. Open up your hearts fully to live, love, and express joy in all things in as many different ways as possible.
We are not guaranteed tomorrow.....or even the next hour......we have now so make good use of it. Take a deep breath of gratitude for all the blessings our great Creator has bestowed upon you, get out there and start something beautiful right now. Not in a minute, now!
With love, adoration, and blessings, I invite and welcome you into my world of Divine Enchantment.
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